There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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