I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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