she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
