SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
