Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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