My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
