At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
