Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
