i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize