If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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