How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
