I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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