Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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