woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
