I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize