Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Never joke about your clitoris.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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