Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
