he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize