I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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