Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
