So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
