Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
