Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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