I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
