community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
