we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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