I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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