her facebook's as public as her vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
