someone owes me an orgasm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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