For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
