I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
