yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
