I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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