can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
