Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
