is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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