..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
