everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
