You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
