Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
