do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this just has baby written all over it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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