look no pants
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize