there was a trapeze. enough said
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
