the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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