my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
