Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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