K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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