You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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