I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
