I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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