the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
