Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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