u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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