is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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