Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
