if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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