why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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