How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
