I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
