i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
