I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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