The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
