Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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