Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
