Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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