just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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